


Welcome To My Life

by Humanity_Strongest_001, Levi__Acker_Gay



Series: The suffering of Alec Lightwood [9]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Depression, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Song Lyrics, This is terrible, i can't write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:41:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24610078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Humanity_Strongest_001/pseuds/Humanity_Strongest_001, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Levi__Acker_Gay/pseuds/Levi__Acker_Gay
Summary: Do you ever feel like breaking down?Do you ever feel out of placeLike somehow you just don't belongAnd no one understands you?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Alec sat on the edge of his bed, feet dangling over the side. He had been crying and now he felt empty. Numb, hollow. The voices in his head played like a broken record, repeating the same thing over and over again
Series: The suffering of Alec Lightwood [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1742491
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	Welcome To My Life

**Author's Note:**

> Dark Malec fic coming soon  
> hopefully :D

_**"Welcome To My Life"** _  
  


_Do you ever feel like breaking down?_  
_Do you ever feel out of place_  
_Like somehow you just don't belong_  
_And no one understands you?_  
_Do you ever wanna run away?_  
_Do you lock yourself in your room_  
_With the radio on turned up so loud_  
_That no one hears you're screaming?_

_No, you don't know what it's like_  
_When nothing feels alright_  
_You don't know what it's like_  
_To be like me_

_To be hurt, to feel lost_  
_To be left out in the dark_  
_To be kicked when you're down_  
_To feel like you've been pushed around_  
_To be on the edge of breaking down_  
_And no one's there to save you_  
_No, you don't know what it's like_  
_Welcome to my life_

_Do you wanna be somebody else?_  
_Are you sick of feeling so left out?_  
_Are you desperate to find something more_  
_Before your life is over?_  
_Are you stuck inside a world you hate?_  
_Are you sick of everyone around?_  
_With their big fake smiles and stupid lies_  
_While deep inside you're bleeding_

_No, you don't know what it's like_  
_When nothing feels alright_  
_You don't know what it's like_  
_To be like me_

_To be hurt, to feel lost_  
_To be left out in the dark_  
_To be kicked when you're down_  
_To feel like you've been pushed around_  
_To be on the edge of breaking down_  
_And no one's there to save you_  
_No, you don't know what it's like_  
_Welcome to my life_

_No one ever lied straight to your face_  
_And no one ever stabbed you in the back_  
_You might think I'm happy, but I'm not gonna be okay_  
_Everybody always gave you what you wanted_  
_You never had to work, it was always there_  
_You don't know what it's like, what it's like_

_To be hurt, to feel lost_  
_To be left out in the dark_  
_To be kicked when you're down_  
_To feel like you've been pushed around_  
_To be on the edge of breaking down_  
_And no one's there to save you_  
_No, you don't know what it's like (What it's like)_

_To be hurt, to feel lost_  
_To be left out in the dark_  
_To be kicked when you're down_  
_To feel like you've been pushed around_  
_To be on the edge of breaking down_  
_And no one's there to save you_  
_No, you don't know what it's like_  
_Welcome to my life_  
_Welcome to my life_  
_Welcome to my life_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alec sat on the edge of his bed, feet dangling over the side. He had been crying and now he felt empty. Numb, hollow. The voices in his head played like a broken record, repeating the same thing over and over again.  
This caused his father's voice to unbury itself from his mind. The harsh words being shouted at him.  
However he could find no escape by retracting into his mind, and hiding. The attack came from it. He could only sit and deal with the cacophany of words as best he could, which was terribly. He had been in that same position for what seemed like hours. He needed to move.

However, he didn't have the energy, instead he collapsed backwards, and shuffled slightly, so he lay horizontally across the bed, long legs still draping off the side. The feelings of sadness that he had buried were back, threatning to burst out of him.  
'Idiot', he thought, 'weak and dsigusting.'

'He would write about what happened later, but first he needed to gain control of himself.'  
He lay in the dark coolness of his room for a few more moments, before pushing himslef back up into a sitting position, he groned as pain shot through his neck from remaining in such an uncomfortable position for a long time. He rolled his shoulders to work the stifness out of the tense muscles

He couldn't focus when the voices were screaming at him, so he dug his blunt nails into the pale flesh of his palms hard, leaving red crescents that stood out against the white. The pain distracted him from the voices. He welcomed the pain.

Jace was right. His father was right. He was too weak, a failure. His best would never be good enough. He would never be good enough.

He would always be a failure, he would never make his father proud. He had accepted that truth ages ago, when Jace had come to live with them and outshone him in every activity. He had come to learn at the age of eleven that Jace and Isabelle were better than him, even if they were younger than him. Max was probably going to better than him.

He scrubbed at his face with both hands, even Clary and Simon were either better, or going to be better than him, they just needed the training.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it, even though I find it rushed and horrible, like most of my work :')


End file.
